Pray for Sex: a poem, a pin, a performance, a protest
Recently I was given a button, blue & 1980s vintage, bought in an indie Baltimore book store. It reads “Pray for Sex”. The gift (from a fellow HOTDISH Militia organizer during a joy drenched counter-protest to the anti-choice aka anti’s “40 days for life” campaign) was instantly pinned to my plum jacket where it’s remained. Most of the time I forget it’s there- until I get laughs, compliments, or questions. It reminds me why I started this blog. Why it’s so important to be outside our city’s only abortion clinic during this time of year. Visible and proud and securing space for all folx to make decisions about their bodies.
Sexuality and sex positivity are complicated things everywhere- including here in Duluth mní sóta. Our predominantly white community is silent, contained about almost anything that “might create discomfort”- pleasure included.
Wearing this button, especially after seeing witchy, queer, wildly powerful, sex affirming musician Bitch, I hold a heightened awareness in my body of ‘audience’. Bitch moves through and creates space that’s invited me (for 25 years!) to feel myself as the unabashedly, pleasure informed and sex affirming anti-racist person I am. Thanks to Bitch’s art, I find myself. My people. My risky creativity. My trashE queer intimacy with place. Over and over.
‘Re-entry’ after Bitch shows is rough. Yes, Pray for Sex! The intense contrast between the world they create for their audience and how often we’re asked as BIPOC, queer, trans, AFAB folx to bow to external (read white supremacist capitalist patriarchal) authority, to distrust one’s internal knowing/desires requires all kinds of queer magic (my language for prayer, universe, source, etc.). Many of us continue to unlearn old messaging and center more positive, playful, anti-racist thought patterns around sex, bodies, power, and collective liberation (both in community & individually). Through feminist performance art to queering prayers pinned to the lapel, I’m remembering there are 501 ways to interpret “Pray for Sex”.
In addition, for me, the button’s a reminder we live in a world where not everyone has equal access to safe, comfortable, and truly welcoming places to seek sexual pleasure and inclusive, sexual health care. The sex positivity and reproductive freedom movements have made many strides in creating a community for people of different racial idenitities, sexual orientations, and relationship styles to enjoy sexploration free from shame. However, we still have more to do so everyone from all racial and sexual identities can find safe, consensual sexual connections and be our truest selves in our community without stereotypes, fear, and oppression.
This button, the Bitch +Crys Matthews concert, and a recent study on misogynoir reminded me how important it is for those of us with the most racial privilege to become more skillful and aware in everyday interracial interactions especially in sex positive places and spaces. Also, to continue learning more about how racial equity affects all aspects of our lives including the free expression of sexuality. Hell yes!!! to free and FREE-ing expressions of sexuality. On that note, a poem= all the words for me behind the pin.
Pray for Sex: A Poem
Three words. Pricked through waterproof protection.
I carry around with me just south of my left shoulder.
Religiosity meets pleasure meets my white body.
Where instead of misogynoir,
I choose radical intimacy.
A performance on my person.
A message meant to say, “We are here.”
The moment our paths cross,
our bodies now in relationship.
Reminder of all we don’t know about each other-
especially, how do you define ‘sex’? Seek, offer,
and receive what feels good. Solo
and with others. Centering consent and queering
our expressions of self-
gender, race, class, disability, allo to ace-
in community.
Pray for Sex- means to me I want
this act, noun, way of re-creating
ourselves and our world to be part of
weaving an erotic ethic into risky creative practice
and protecting the wilds.
Pray for Sex beyond colonizer mindset, “I want you.
Thus, I own you.”
Pray for Sex and I remember how to say I want to taste you,
your body, as in wild loving,
we meet in a new place.
Content, turned on- subtly
and wildly expressive.
A queerer path to pleasure,
freedom and the erotic-
Pray for Sex and abolition.
As in, we make space for ancestors and animals
righting wrongs
and remembering to enjoy
the way your skin feels under my hand and
in my mouth.
I Pray for Sex and find myself
cumming-wind howling.
Solo in my bed.
Waves slapping- Pray for Sex.
You are onstage and I am behind a typewriter.
You are lighting fire on your loom
Pray for Sex
and we organize against anti-blackness.
Pray for Sex
and we laugh at the internal knowing of wings.
Pray for Sex. More. Moths, birds, butterflies.
Pray for Sex and we anchor -action
and fire and heavy rope-
all the ways of water.
Pray for Sex and peel back layers.
Morning uncouples night- best kept secrets,
Solo and celebrating crown jewels
Pray for Sex and perfect amounts of pressure.
Pray for Sex and your mouth on mine,
my hands confident.
Pray for Sex and again, yum, yeSSssS, your skin.
Pray for Sex I am inside knowing, trusting-
the confluence of art and words. The ways
we finally f___ each other.
Pray for Sex and I divest from my whiteness,
remember intertwined parts,
intersectionality is about more than difference-
Pray for Sex we challenge oppressive systems.
Pray for Sex, we know and work for equity.
Pray for Sex-the decolonizing of us, as in
the moment we insist on 501 ways of
loving sex for everything it’s always been.
Pray for Sex admitting capitalism
is in our beds.
Pray for Sex, I find myself. I find you.
Pray for Sex I’m in love with a bigLake.
Pray for Sex a practice of love within the context of community.